Here are the results of a new survey on all things flatulence. Check ’em out . . .
1. The five most embarrassing places to pass gas are: During sex . . . during a job interview . . . on a date . . . in a car filled with people . . . and at work.
2. Only 37% of people will admit they passed gas at work if a coworker smells it.
3. 44% of people leave the room after they break wind.
4. 20% of people have made a loud noise to try to hide the sound of their flatulence.
5. And 30% of people have lost their appetite because they smelled someone’s gas.
I’m not sure how I’d react if I saw a UNICORN running down the street. I’d probably wonder if someone slipped me some acid . . . then try to capture the unicorn, kill it, and drink its silver blood to achieve immortality. Sorry. Too dark?
Anyway, a unicorn ACTUALLY got loose in Madera, California on Wednesday night. Technically it was a white pony with a HORN strapped to its head, and it escaped from a kid’s birthday party.
But when it broke away and started running around town, no one knew that back story. They just saw a unicorn. So naturally the cops started getting confused calls about a unicorn on the loose. It even made it onto the highway.
So eventually the California Highway Patrol got involved, and used a HELICOPTER to track it down. And it STILL took them three-and-a-half HOURS to catch it.
Which sounds like a lot, but that would be NOTHING if they were trying to catch a leprechaun. Leprechauns are way more wily than unicorns. Everyone knows that.
A woman named Sandra Boos owns the pony. The cops didn’t give her a citation, but told her they would if the unicorn got free again.
1. Using your speakerphone in public. Don’t make other people listen to your conversation . . . no one cares. And the same goes for playing games with the sound up, or listening to music without headphones on.
2. Leaving your keyboard sound effects on. So when you send a text message, everyone around you hears it clicking while you type.
3. Including too many people on a group text. Because then everyone gets a million alerts, and they have to mute their phone so it doesn’t ding or vibrate every five seconds.
4. Teasing someone with a text bubble, then not sending a text. Meaning you start typing, so the bubble with three dots pops up, and the other person THINKS you’re responding . . . but then you never finish.
This Again? On the One-Year Anniversary of “The Dress,” The Internet Is Trying to Figure Out the Colors of “The Jacket”
One year ago, THE DRESS happened. If somehow you’ve scrubbed it from your memory, a woman posted a photo of a dress and the Internet broke into all-out WAR over whether it was white and gold or blue and black.
And now there’s a NEW piece of ambiguous clothing here to taunt us. Someone posted a photo of an Adidas track jacket on Tumblr and because of poor lighting, people can’t quite figure out its color scheme.
In a Buzzfeed poll, 70% say it’s blue and white . . . 10% say black and brown . . . 9% green and gold . . . and 5% green and brown.
We live in an era where we accept people regardless of what they look like . . . and if you DARE to SHAME someone for their looks, you don’t even want to know the consequences. But apparently, we’re not so cool to OURSELVES.
Here are some results from a new survey by “Allure” magazine on attractiveness that shows we’re all still OBSESSED with how we look. Check ’em out . . .
1. 50% of people say their appearance defines their identity. That’s up from 35% back in 2010.
2. 64% say the first thing they notice about someone is how attractive they are.
3. 61% think their lives would be better if they were more attractive.
4. 62% of women and 53% of men say they’re more critical of their looks than other people.
5. The average woman rates herself a 5.9 out of 10. Men rate themselves a 6.5.
6. 84% of people are trying to be less judgmental about other people’s looks.
7. The most common thing people lie about is their weight. The rest of the top five are: Jeans size . . . salary . . . height . . . and age.
8. And finally, 81% of people wish they were more satisfied with their looks.
Dr. Kenneth Koch is the head of gastroenterology at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center in North Carolina. And he says you may be POOPING wrong.
According to Koch, the ideal time to go is right when you wake up. Your small intestine and colon spent the night processing the food you ate the night before, and they’re ready to get rid of it.
If you can’t make it happen in the morning, the next best option is getting in a regular routine where you do it at the same time every day.
Your body likes routines, so if you have a regular time to go number two, it’ll keep you healthy. And you can avoid developing issues like bloating, gas, constipation, and IBS.
1. “You look sexy when you cook.” Telling him he looks sexy while doing an everyday task makes him feel more appreciated than just telling him he’s hot.
2. “I feel safe with you.” Men like to feel like they can take care of you . . . so knowing you feel protected is an ego boost.
3. “I love how determined you are when you set your mind to something.” Guys love being complimented for being decisive.
4. “I told my friends how lucky I am to have you.” Guys love when you brag about them to your girlfriends.
5. “Have you been working out?” Men don’t usually get as many compliments about their looks as women do, so he’ll appreciate it when he hears it.